MY BLOOD IS BOILING (make sure to watch to video)

https://www.facebook.com/brutamerica/videos/1872933879671789/


This makes my blood boil.
As a Type One Diabetic, I know first hand how expensive living with this disease is. It's takes away all of my money. But guess what? I have to do it. I have no choice in the matter because without insulin, I will literally die. The time frame I could go without any insulin before dying is maybe a week to two weeks. ONE TO TWO WEEKS. Insulin is the hormone secreted by the body to lower the blood sugar levels when they become too high. Diabetes is the disease resulting from the inability of the body to produce or respond properly to insulin, required by the body to convert glucose to energy. So this isn't just an optional drug to make you feel a little better, it's literally liquid magic that keeps my organs from failing on me and keeps me from shriveling up into nothing.
Lack of insulin has got to be one of the most excruciating and painful deaths.. having a blood sugar too high is painful enough. (Which btw happens daily) When your blood sugar has been too high for a bit of time, you go into something called DKA and DKA is awful. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. DKA is Diabetic ketoacidosis and it is a dangerous complication of Diabetes in which the chemical balance of the body becomes far too acidic. I was in DKA earlier this week so I know the pain that comes from it and it has got to be the most painful thing I get to experience and it's not that uncommon to happen to diabetics. Certain medications can put you into DKA, having the flu or any kind of infection can put you into DKA, stress and anxiety can cause you to go into DKA. The quickest way to go into DKA is a lack of insulin. It's a pain I don't even know how to explain.
I am in fear everyday at the thought of the day that I turn 26. The day I'm off my parents insurance and have to have my own. Now what if I lose my job for whatever reason and I am now stuck without insurance until I find another job with good enough insurance that I am not paying a buttload of money for? What happened to this guy will be exactly what happens to me.
Start a savings you say? How many of you have a real savings with enough money to help pay up to 2,000 a month for insulin until you find yourself a job? Not many of you, right? Now imagine me or my friends who are Diabetic. We don't get the pleasure of having a savings because all the money we would put in there, goes towards our medications... the cost that insurance does not cover.
This isn't okay and something needs to change.

#diabetesawareness #typeonediabetes #thisneedstochange #healthcare #fuckdiabetes #ididntaskforthis #ididnotcausethisonmyself

broken bottle

I can't believe it happened. I tried to stop it, but I couldn't. I finally broke. I have no fight left in me. I thought I could keep this all inside of me, all bottled up. I thought that if I put it in the back of my head it would all just go away in due time. I was wrong. Keeping all of these feelings and emotions in just got too much to handle and here I am. Broken down and defenseless.  I'm in tears. I can't hold them back any longer. Tonight, tonight I will cry. I'm gong to let everything out. Everything that's been pushed deep inside of me. My bottled finally cracked... and its all rushing out at once.

Wow... That's about all I can say right now. Wow. I never thought the day would come that Bryce Barr and  would end up together. But here it is! Bryce and I are officially a couple.  He takes my breath away. He makes my heart skip a beat.... He makes me so happy. For the last four years  have only dreamed of this.  It's finally happening. I have cared for this guy so much over the years. Trying to keep my distance and be respectful of his space . But no matter what.. During those 4 years, I never once stopped thinking about him or caring about him.. Or even loving him. The last 11 days have been the best of my life so far... And the coming days, weeks, months, and years that him and I are going to be spending together will only be better than the moment before.

Today is this lovely girls birthday!!! YAYYYYY!!! Happy Birthday girly. I love you so so very much. This girl and I have been through more than most friends. Thick and Thin. Tough and Easy. Fun and Hardships. We met when we were younger and have been friends ever since. This girl means the world to me. I remember she wasn't living close by when I was diagnosed with diabetes. When she found out, she sent me a letter and expressed her worry and love towards the situation. She was the only friend who had done that when finding out about about my new disease. It meant more to me than she will ever know. One experience I will never forget.. I was at a ward camp out and Soleil came to it. I hadn't seen her in what seemed like forever.. maybe a year? Not sure exactly. But I didn't know that she was coming. It was the best surprise I could EVER ask for. She yelled my name from across the camp and when I turned and saw her.... we ran for our lives to each other. I'm not exaggerating when I say that we screamed for about 5 minutes straight. My best friend was finally back in my life and I couldn't have been more happy! That week we had a blast. We made up a fantastically ridiculous dance to the song "I'll Make A Man Out Of You" from the movie Mulan. We performed it for our parents and other friends. Best times during that week were when we would float the river. Pretty sure that we almost died a couple of times from the rapids.... even though the rapids were tiny little waves. (come on, what do you expect from 12 year old girls?) This girl and I honestly had the best moment. The memories I have of my childhood always have her involved in some way. She was always there for me. Even during High School when we were in different groups and hung out with different friends, I ALWAYS knew she was there for me and I was ALWAYS there for her. I knew that even if we hadn't talked in months, if I needed her, she was there in a split second and that she was there to help out if needed. She was my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my therapist, my best friend, and my sister. The memories we shared... I could reminisce on them forever. Ward camp-outs, girls camp, diabetes camp, sleepovers, McDonalds run at 3am cause we couldn't sleep, random dance parties, movie nights, Moulin Rouge sing a longs, the memories are endless. I love you Africa Soleil Cook. With all of my heart. I hope that today you Birthday brings you more happiness than you hope for, You deserve the world.

Even the very best friend isn't perfect. Every friendship has it's share of ups and downs, disappointments and discouragements. But the true test of friendship is whether it endures the hard times as well as the happy times. When you are truly best friends - when you have a friendship worth preserving - you learn how to voice your feelings with each other. You discuss how and when you've been hurt. You even cry together. Then you forgive, seal your friendship with a hug, and continue on good terms with each other. That's how best friends are maintained over the years. Each little offense is dealt with and forgiven (and forgotten). The focus remains on the strengths of the relationship: love, understanding, acceptance, and loyalty. When you take the time to work though the differences and misunderstandings, the friendship grows stronger and sweeter.

My Attitude... My Choice...

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact your attitude has on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It's more important than the past, the education, the money.. More important than circumstances, failure, success.. More than what other people think or say or do.. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It can make or break a family... a friendship... a life. But the remarkable thing is that we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I'm convinced that life is 10%  of what happens to us and 90% of how we will react to it... We are in charge of our own attitudes.

Diabetes: I'm Done!

For almost eight years you have put the biggest limitations on my shoulders and defined so many aspects of my life. I have tried to manage you, but I get so tired of it. I have no motivation anymore. I just want to be a normal teenager, and live a normal life. I'm so sick of you. I hate everything about you. I hate your pokes and jabs, and how you make me sick and irritable or make me act like a complete fool. But what I hate is when people think they know what I go through because of you. I'm sorry, but unless you live with this nuisance, YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I'm nowhere near perfect when it comes to diabetes, and I never have been. But it has gotten to the point where I just don't care what happens anymore. I'm tired of being nagged, I'm tired of appointment after appointment being told that drastic improvement is needed, I'm tired of hearing about all the complications, they just piss me off and make me want to smack someone for even putting the stupid thought in my head. I know the risks, I know the complications, but it doesn't make it any better,and it doesn't make it go away. I have zero hope for a cure. Why? Because money is more valuable and precious than the quality of a human life. Companies will be out millions of dollars if any such cure was ever found. So why even think about it?
So all I'm left to do is wait. Wait until someone cares enough to end this.
But it never goes away and it never takes a break.
I dread going to the doctors, because I already know what they are going to say, and even if make the slightest improvement, it will never be enough. It's a slap in the face, and a constant reminder that I will never be good enough.
I'm tired of no one understanding. No one telling me that it will be okay, and that I can do it. Instead I have all those telling me that it's not that hard, I just need to work more. 
I wish they knew how hard it is, and that sometimes I just would rather give up completely than go another day with this stupid disease. I would give it up. If I had the chance to go back and change it. I would in a heartbeat, I wouldn't even hesitate.
You may say I'm weak, but so be it. I can't handle it anymore.
The best I can do is try, no I may not be the best diabetic, but I don't want this to have control over me.
I want to be stronger, I just don't see how I can.